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He rolled, bursting from the burning house

  • He rolled, bursting from the burning house at an unadvisable speed. A unfortunately placed stone connected with his foot and he flew forward skidding across the dirt with a crunch.
  • He hurried to a standing position, whipping his gun out from a shoulder holster and firing blindly back into the flames. His pursuers couldn't be far behind him, and he needed..
  • to buy as much time as he could. He didn't know what the pursuers wanted with him, but he highly doubted it was for a tea party. His stamina wasn't what it used to be though, and
  • no matter how hard he pushed himself, he couldn't exceed 5mph, so he was quickly reached by a man riding a bicycle. The man tackled him and
  • proceeded to make verbal jabs at how small of a thread count his mother's bed must have. Enraged, our hero takes a splinter of concrete on the road and pops the bike tires.
  • His harasser's glee turned to squawking dismay as the bike's front wheel became a fixed fulcrum in a machine built to help mouthy cyclists headbutt planet Earth. This self-suplex
  • rendered the bike rider to become a mobile organ donor. He looked at the gnarled mess and thought, "Karma." The EMT resuscitated the bicycle. It would wheel again. He strolled upon
  • thin ice because he kept trying to resuscitate inanimate things. The bike. The EMT once tried to resuscitate a label maker. His boss didn't want to fire him right away because
  • that abomination of a reanimated label-maker gave him some good stock tips which helped him and his brood survive the collapse. The hands and the heart of the EMT brought life to
  • a second label-maker for the lonely first. "Thank you" he printed. His new wife made a "Just Married" label for a Staples shopping cart. The EMT's push guided them into the sunset.

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