It was one thing to read about them, another
- It was one thing to read about them, another entirely to see one in person - the perfect coppery scales glinting in the hellish light from the magma pool, eyes like lasers seeking
- me out from my hiding place. "WHO DAREST APPROACH MY HORDE!" I gingerly stepped out. "Excuse me, I'm Jay from USA Today. We had an interview at 3?" "OH, OF COURSE, HOW ARE YOU?"
- "I'm good," replied Jay. "EXCELLENT," I laughed in a sinister fashion, "EVERYTHING IS FALLING INTO PLACE. YOU MAY BEGIN YOUR QUESTIONS." "When did you first want to become an evil
- overlord?" "HMM, I STARTED LATE JAY, I GUESS WHEN I WAS 35, I HAD MY FIRST EXPERIENCE WITH THE DARK SIDE AND-" "Is that when you lost you virginity?" The audience roared with laugh
- ter as I sat there silently. What was wrong with me, why dont I find these jokes funny when everyone else does? Then it hit me, I forgot I was deaf and cant even hear the movie.
- But I can read lips, which pretty much means that every show with Gary Shandling gives me a total migraine. When I have a headache I
- drink a pitcher of my patented green, 180-proof-Nyquil eggnog. Then i pass out, only to wake up three days later in Rockville, Maryland, married to a woman I've never met.
- The volatile combination of sleeping pills and lactose never failed to bring out my mysterious, promiscuous alter-ego. My sanity returning, I quickly disposed of my wife's body.
- by boiling her flesh down to a viscous gel and baking her bones till they easily turned to powder. Then I flushed the gel and powder down the toilet . One bowl full at a time. Ha!
- Disposing of her this way was nice and sanitary so I didn't get so much as a ticket, and it was a very quick process, not that labor intensive. I was back to work in a few hours.
- Started
- 2011-06-05 21:40:09
- Finished
- 2011-10-31 13:49:49
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