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At the age of 19 I got busted for statutory

  • At the age of 19 I got busted for statutory rape. Thing is, I did it, but I was really a pretty innocent kid back then. Up in County I met Little JoJo and Murder Mike who showed me
  • Embezzlement Evan and Identity Theft Ian. I was honored to be Rape Raul, the newest member of their prison gang. On my first day, I stabbed Ponzi Pablo to death with a toothbrush.
  • As Ponzi lay choking blood on his cell floor I spat on him. "You're lucky I'm not into guys!" I grinned. "They don't call me Rape Raul for nothing!" I returned to my cell laughing
  • my head off at my obvious gay prison sex joke and found my celly crying on the toilet. He was sobbing and sniffling. I quickly poured him a cup of Prun-o and asked him
  • "Why do you weep, my dear companion? Have I offended you with my witty jokes?" As he drank the pruno his eyes started bulging out of his skull and went purple. I told him to finish
  • this rather pathetic party trick and put his eyes back in their sockets, or I'd put the bottle of pruno away and he'd have to drink plain water for the rest of the evening. He was
  • only seventeen, just a beauty queen, and his orthopedic surgeon was secretly a super-intelligent sturgeon saying "You need glasses boy, those eyes aren't toys, leave 'em in there!"
  • Obediently, I put my eyes into a cup that with wires seemed to be connected to a strange looking apparatus. It had tubes leading into it, filled with brightly colored fluids,
  • not that I could tell, ever since the accident I'd seen the world in black and white. But when the colored liquids flowed into the cups I saw the world with kaleidoscope eyes
  • and if you've ever looked into a kaleidoscope you'll know what gut-wrenching experience I was faced with. I tried to keep the colours still but they were like soap in the bath.

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