Lockdown. Time to play into his psyche. White

  • Lockdown. Time to play into his psyche. White room. No stimulus. The "interrogatee" was ready for the first wave. Burt was the edge and I was the rope. I counted to three and
  • asked 'Would you like a cup of water?' After having had to drink his own urine for a week, the prisoner nodded gratefully. Burt stepped in. 'Too bad, we just drank it all!'. I look
  • ed at Burt in disdain. "You do know there's no such thing as good-corrections-officer/bad-corrections-officer, right?" Burt scoffed. "That ingrate deserves to be here. DRINK YOUR P
  • RUNE JUICE OR I SWEAR YOU'LL STAY IN YOUR CELL ON BINGO NIGHT!" Life in the geriatric ward was tough for old Whistler & the other inmates, but they'd outlived 4 wardens &
  • this one was already blind in one eye. It should only take a few cafeteria planning sessions and he'd be down for the count. Old Whistler was ready for the challenge.
  • Old Whistler blew his favorite note...a B flat. Responding to the signal, the count did indeed appear and asked Old Whistler what took him so long to come down. Hells bells, that
  • was the last straw. The Count said, "ONE!" and kicked Old Whistler in the balls. "TWO!" Smacked him upside the head. "THREE!" Shoved him down the stairs. "Ah! Ah! Ah!"
  • The muppet head made a remarkably peculiar sound as it bounced off the steps. Seriously, I want to take a moment to point out just how peculiar a sound it really was. Boy, was it a
  • sound of dog food breaking suction from its can. The muppet head was irrevocably broken. Whatever will they do for a mascot now? I guess they will have to
  • just take the actual box of the product, give it some lifeless eyes, and choppily animate a creepy mouth. Oh, wait, Progressive Insurance already pulls that same creepy garbage.


  1. buddyboy4711 Feb 17 2013 @ 19:45

    My personal least favorite is, if memory serves, a Checkers commercial in which the mascot was just a Checkers restaurant with legs. It flapped its drive-thru canopies like wings while making chicken noises. I've never seen or been to a Checkers, so this is my only point of reference for the atmosphere and overall dining experience.

  2. Zetawilk Feb 18 2013 @ 00:05

    That sounds...horrible.

  3. Rachel Feb 18 2013 @ 07:59

    I remember Big Boy Restaurants wanted to get rid of their mascot because they didn't want their business associated with obesity. Haha! There was a public outcry because that mascot is part of Americana. While they still use Big Boy on menus, I haven't seen an actual physical statue in ages. I hope they are still out there.

  4. Zetawilk Feb 18 2013 @ 11:13

    Really? I thought it was because most statue mascots came alive just like in that Simpsons Halloween episode and started rampaging through middle America. I wonder why cereal gets all the best mascots. Even the knock-off cereals that the big companies produce deliberately to sell on the cheap because they don't use recycled cardboard boxes.

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