Don't look back, don't ever look back. I

Don't look back, don't ever look back. I swallowed hard, running as fast as my feeble legs would let me in the freshly fallen snow as I practically hyperventilated. Man, I really

need to build some muscles on these duck like legs. If it wasn't for the motorcycle the police would have caught me, and I'd probably be hanged for stealing the presidents burger

press. See, I'd always been in search the perfect patty. I secured the Presidential burger press in the sidecar and then sped away. I skirted the stakeout at the edge of town.

I made it to the dock in just the nick of time. A week later, I was crossing into E. Syria, toting the POTUSburger in my ice-packed satchel. The ISIS commander received the patty

And ate it, not knowing what was in it. "Yummy!", he said and then started to have a seizure. Russian soldiers knew what was in it and stole the recipe, per Syria's leader.

The secret ingredient was yogurt made from milk of magnesia, which wasn't available in either Russia or Syria at that time, so the soldiers had to fake it with Pepto Bismol, which

made the concoction taste like chicken, only tastier. So much tastier that, in time, nobody ate chicken anymore. Chickens were let loose and they roamed free. All told, 5.7 billion

New chicken citizens made a big impact on the elections. The chickens voted exclusively against the fryers. The first presidential action of Leghorn Foghorn was to put the USA on n

o chicken diets. It was decreed that, as chickens were now considered citizens, any person who consumed their flesh would be convicted of cannibalism. This didn't go down so well

with the turkeys, who had lobbied for citizenship for years and considered chicken citizenship the ultimate injustice. The turkeys retaliated by pecking the chickens to death.