"WARNING: world catastrophe imminent, please

  • "WARNING: world catastrophe imminent, please proceed to the nearest space elevator and follow directions from there!" The message blared down the empty streets, papers fluttering
  • in the vicious gusts, alarmed citizen-consumers surging in dense crowds, not for the space elevators, but for the nearest iStores. The message repeated: "WARNING: world catastrophe
  • imminent. Please seek and locate - to do not deviate - from your nearest space elevator. As the iStores swelled with masses of Apple fans, I boarded a space elevator & pressed "
  • Go Up." Immediately, the space elevator carried us off into the atmosphere. Everything seemed to be going great until the alarm went off: "Warning: Ejection Imminent." I rushed to
  • look outside of the elevator and get a glimpse of just how "inter-galactic" we really were. "Umm..hi," I said, tapping the elevator guide. "Do we (cough) get parachutes for the eje
  • -ctor button?" I asked, not noticing that I had, in fact, pressed said button. "No need," he said as we shot through the elevator ceiling. He grabbed me as huge bat wings sprouted
  • out of my ears. “What?!? Did you say something?!?” I shouted at my clingy friend. I scratched at my ears. These Batwings make my ears itch.
  • "I hate those stupid Batwings!" he said. "You look like fucking John Goodman in cosplay"
  • "I *AM* JOHN GOOODMAN" John Goodman shouted back, almost tearing his skin tight spider-man suit. He really expected a warmer welcome at the San Diego comic con, but as it turns out
  • the fanboys weren't prepared to forgive him for The Blues Brothers 2000. In pursuit of redemption he was pushing for an Arachnophobia 2: Webs of Extermination.


Want to leave a comment?

Sign up!