The night was dark and there was a cruel

The night was dark and there was a cruel wind blowing. If only I had an umbrella to protect me from the wet and a jacket to secure me from the cold.

If only I had a Range Rover, a propane stove and a mobile satellite with 1080 HD plasma tv, then I could be like my forefathers and go off into the Yukon wilderness. Oh, also a

big SwissArmy knife, the one with the screwcap end that would store fishing line in case I had to perform emergency surgery like Jack on Lost. Yeah, the Yukon would be so

awesome," thought Todd. "Get back to work schmuck, stop staring at the coffee." Todd had been staring at the rugged Yukon Blend Starbucks sticker instead of cleaning the steam frot

"Gotta job to do, sukka!!" But it was all too much ... all these confined spaces. Todd know that he had to get out of there if he were to keep any last remaining inch of dignity

For Todd was a short man, and a lanky one at that. Even his toothbrush shank looked out of proportion to his physique. Did he really think that gangsta talk bullshit was going to

save his ass? Hell no. We broke some ribs, busted up his face, stripped him naked, and left him there. Then Big Al was like "Hey, his name badge says Todd. That ain't Skinny G."

Big Al wasn't very bright. We threw Skinny's corpse in the swamp three miles from the filling station, Goober got out the incense and candles, and Dumb Chuck started to chant.

Though it was Dumb Chuck's mouth moving, it was Skinny's voice that came out- with the high-reaching octave of a soprano

and for a while they were fooled, but then Dumb Chuck slipped up and the Jackychanesque falsetto was so comical they died of laughter. Dumb Chuck wasn't the dumb one, you see.