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"Follow me Avery. No, no please don't be

  • "Follow me Avery. No, no please don't be shy. As you walk along through these doors you will I hope soon find that WE posses the cure for all your ailments. You do have those don't
  • you? Anthill acne and formication?" Avery nodded. "Well Avery, allow my assistants to strap you in. Prepare the Raid cannon!" A large cannon descended from the ceiling, pointed at
  • the Pin The Tail on The Donkey game, and the fuse was lit. We waited with our hands over our ears for the "KA-BOOM"-- but it never happened. After looking at the fuse, we noticed
  • it was really a piece of Twizzler candy. Mmmmmm, I love strawberry licorice! I immediately began chewing on the licorice fuse when I learned that it had been laced with
  • Sildenafil citrate or some other kind of male enhancement drug. I was pitching a tent in no time and needed to get out of there to
  • hide the evidence, so to speak. But time wasn't on my side - before I knew it, I was
  • bricking up the spare room in the basement. With a white wash of paint, no one would ever know. I slept soundly until I heard a low pounding...
  • It was about one beat a second, very steady. The ventricular diastole was long. Did I detect a murmur? I improvised an EEG by dropping a copper wire down the clothes chute.
  • Yes...I listened very carefully...yes, it was...a slow heartbeat coming from the depths of my cellar. It was my own heart of darkness, my own madness, my own... I was interrupted
  • by a call from the office of Poe, Poe, Ripley and Conrad, demanding I cease and desist all heartbeat-related madness. So I did, and went mad from yellow wallpaper instead.
  • They surely couldn't believe me, no matter how I tried to explain my situation. I'd screamed at walls before, just to feel what it was like, to understand anew. This ruined that.

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