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My girlfriend loves chocolate, so I thought

  • My girlfriend loves chocolate, so I thought what better present? I had myself delivered to her apartment in a large box with a sash, encased in a life-sized chocolate Santa Claus.
  • Unfortunately, I was sent to 3 blocks away. Since they were on holiday break, I was propped on the door step. I tried to break free of my chocolate Santa encasement. A dog sniffed.
  • And bit down hard on the Chocolate Santa! Ow, right on my hand. Damn that hurt. I know chocolate is bad for dogs, but this once it was ok. Except my hand was super bloody
  • hell is that a mangled bone? "Bad dog! I wanna donate my skeleton to the Smithsonian when I die." I'd doomed him to delinquency when I nicknamed him Bitey McPunctureWound, but this
  • would be my final irony. My skeleton did end up in the Smithsonian--as a mangled victim of a sabertooth hound. But though my narrative ends here, the story does not. My dog, Bitey,
  • exploded, and my pet pig, Silenty, ate all of his burnt remains. My disembodied voice continued to narrate this story, and as I watched, my Silenty disappeared becuase
  • He wore the fluorescent suit I had made for him. It made him able to fly! That meant Gregot could buy vodka at age 20, according to the booze police. But not for long...
  • The booze police soon found out about Gregot's flying shenanigans. They released wanted posters, and declared a manhunt for the vodka buying man in a fluorescent suit.
  • They did a terrible job and Gregot had a good laugh. He swapped the fluo suit and the helmet for a black, neo-Gothic cape, borrowed the hat his dad had left him and browsed the
  • web for several hours to get a sweet deal on a matching pair of green flip flops. Dad would be proud.
Started
2011-12-02 18:06:03
Finished
2016-05-03 12:55:19

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