He looked down at the village through the

He looked down at the village through the eye windows. Pulling some ropes, the giant jerked forward. He bellowed through the voice trumpet. "FEE! FIE! FOE! FUM!"

And Jack promptly voided his bowels. He had killed this bastard's father and if he found the beanstalk he had used to get in, he was human-meal. Mealy, wet, human-meal.

But the beanstalk was protected by giant ants that could not be reasoned with because they communicated through chemicals. They lopped the golden goose's head clean off with giant

ant pinchers. We must fight these giant ants and take back the beanstalk. Maxine reminded us the biggest baddest wolf ever to live was in town. We approached the wolf with

huge albatrosses strung from pink ribbons, and a jar of chilli jam. The wolf eyes the birds suspiciously, but couldn't resist the opened jar. He crept around the beanstalk, with

his eyes never leaving the birds. When he finally reached the jar he ate all the chilli jam in one gulp. A poor decision he realized only after his throat and tongue began to swell

and his eyes bulged in their sockets. Fumes shot out of his mouth and set off the smoke alarm. He ran screaming from the kitchen and stubbed his toe on a

block of ice. Ah-ha! He smashed his face onto the ice block, trying to sate the burning sensation tearing up his mouth. Instead, the block of ice just melted. "GAAAAAAA!" He turned

a flame shot out of his mouth igniting the wall paper. The one with carousel horseys & clowns. Bahh, he never like it anyway. He breathed uncle Joe's ugly recliner. It too went up

in flames. He felt liberated, as if he were on top of a mountain where he belonged. The exhilaration ended when he realized this was the 1st stage of spontaneous human combustion.