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"The babysitter isn't dead,"I told myself

  • "The babysitter isn't dead,"I told myself as I ate my illegal bowl of vanilla ice cream with chocolate syrup, "she's sleeping". I watched I Love Lucy and picked lint off the couch.
  • I always loved "I Love Lucy", somehow taking comfort in the not-so-subtly misogynistic nature of the program. And, I may have been overzealous with that (now dead?) babysitter...
  • who was marinating in 12 separate bags in Calypso brine with Papaya Pepper rub. I've been eating human flesh for a long time and watching black and white reruns. It's sort of my
  • thing, eating human flesh is like eating God. As a child I grew tired of eating cucumbers by slowly swallowing them whole. I became the talk of the town especially down by the old
  • water-cooler. Sometimes I poured in Ipecac for shits and giggles-mostly giggles. Still, my fondest memories were of sitting on the back porch with gramps blasting passing dogs with
  • the four humours. That's how we referred to the different gases we produced. With Gramps ayurvedic diet and our curative flatulence we were able to treat many ailments. Countryfolk
  • flocked from miles around to be cured by our fannyclappers and SBDs. Most of the typical cancers and aging symptoms were easily handled but one day a man came seeking therapy for
  • a stubborn verruca on his left big toe. I brought out our sturdiest brass fanny clapper and positioned it over the verruca. Then the sprite spread on a generous helping of SBD
  • .Thank God for the Small Business Development Center. They taught me all about how to sell my brass fanny clappers on eBay. Apparently a lot of people suffer from verrucalitis.
  • My roomie asked me later during a commercial on TV if the people I sold them to weren't really working for that Brass4Cash scam infomercial. I must admit now, I have some doubts.
Started
2011-08-09 16:37:59
Finished
2013-06-11 00:43:29

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