Philip the fanatic decided to take a stroll

Philip the fanatic decided to take a stroll down Hilltop Blvd. He was looking for a good, steep hill to preform the ultimate bike stunt. After 15 min of searching, he found a great

church landfill. Philip rode his bike down a giant mound of discarded pews to pick up speed. But as he approached a mound of Lent candles, he snagged a busted stained-glass window

and went crashing straight into a discarded baptismal, now serving as a koi-pond replete with lilies and gold fish. This will never do. The pope is depending on me to locate the

missing piece of art. It had been stolen from the church and now he's sent me out to find it. Something about atoning for my sins. Some crazy shit like that.

Mind, even before I entered the museum, I wondered why the heck a Church would want Warhols bluefaced Chairman Mao hanging above the vestibule, but Father Sodalis request was my

last and only offer on the plate. If I didn't handle the Estrogen Malice, thousands of prescriptions would never get filled. "Fuck it!" I sneezed. I always cuss when I sneeze.

Once when a cop gave me a ticket during hay fever season, I cussed so much I was pistol whipped and maced. Cussing when you sneeze is the worst for of

ficers of the law. They think that you are just mocking them when you are only sneeze cursing and its not your fault. I know i've tried to make it up to them by polishing their

cherries and giving the most generous helpings of any Eiscafé in Hamburg, but the officers just gobble their desserts like wheetos and dash back to the mean streets like I've

asked them if they'd be happy or sad if they got what they deserved. Which would you be?