Today marks another day when I awoke alive.

Today marks another day when I awoke alive. Will I ever awake not alive or in death will I never sleep. Thes questions annoy me every damn morning. Am I mad? No I'm actually quite

boring. I think about life and death all the time. Obsess really. However, I never get any insights. Then it occurred to me--Study. I could kill things and learn more about life

if I swallowed my pride and read the "Virtual Life" instruction manual. It said that I could find ammo at Wal-Mart and guns at NRA meetings. I could nap to replenish health, and

work out at the gym to get bodypoints and strength. Of course, things cost money, even in virtuality, so I read on to learn about the options. Ch. 8 of the manual taught me that I

could plant several rows of corn to feed my dragons and then sell them to the wizard in the castle for XP. A quicker, riskier option would be to challenge a random traveler to a

Hot Dog Eating Contest. Sure if I won, I would gain 7,213 XP but if I lose, I would lose double that! I just hope the Wizard likes grain fed Dragons, otherwise i'll have to

use my Vorpal +4 Cast-Iron Stomach to achieve my goal as Gastro-Paladin level 9. I was up against a Troll and a Grog Master. With fanfare, the frankfuter eating contest had begun.

The Troll, Grog Master & I devoured sausages with gusto. I'd soon pulled ahead of them & my Paladin friends cheered but then my Vorpal stomach made an ominous grinding noise

which meant the eating contest was over and the butt-kicking contest was back! I launched an entire sausage plate into the Troll's face while unsheathing my sword. The Paladins al

ways made yummy sausage.The Troll was 2 busy trying 2figure out if the mustard on the plate was grey poupon or dijon. With 1 swoop,the sword cut the crudite plate. Now it can begin