I gathered all my courage and walked up to
- I gathered all my courage and walked up to his locker. "Hey, Kylie!" he said. I had fallen in love with my best friend, even though we made a promise when we were in 2nd grade that
- we'd always be friends. But then Kylie Minogue pretty much dropped me as soon as her ship came in. I try to friend her on facebook but it always turns out to be someone
- pretending to be her, like in the film Catfish. "Perhaps it is time to move on," I wrote in my journal. Then I drew a picture of the two of us growing old. "Fuck fuck fuck," I
- began, "a duck, screw a kangaroo. Fingerbang a wallaby, an orgy at the zoo." Forgetting I was sitting in church, I now looked around at the silence I had broken, my face flushed
- and I made a spastic motion to cover my affliction with zoological Tourette's. The parishoners resumed their prayers. Then my brother who has botanical Tourette's let loose with "
- I'm gonna fig your daisy to the break of dawn baby! Get down and praise my ghurkin!" The shocked chuch-folk prayed ever more fervently as the priest quitely disrobed and
- gave the ghurkin a jerkin' right proper. Many audience members feigned righteous indignation but the seats were full the following week for the next performance.
- This next performance art piece required me to wear only a g-string and smash cooked yams into my body as I rolled around in a mound of cardamom, chanting the Brady Bunch theme as
- my ambiguously-gendered partner played Alice, the ever-efficient maid to the Brady Bunch. Our audience ate it up, not that we cared either way. Our performance art had social impli
- cations,but that was put aside when 'Alice' saved the day.With his 'David Bowieish' looks,talent and charisma,he got an Obie nomination out of it but lost it to Meryl Streep.
- Started
- 2011-03-28 20:48:56
- Finished
- 2013-08-14 10:30:34
6 Comments
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49erFaithful Aug 14 2013 @ 12:56
Highly amusing tale all around. GB, you're a regular Wordsworth. To quote Taggart, "You use your tongue [keyboard] prettier than a twenty dollar whore."
Zetawilk Aug 14 2013 @ 15:42
Aw, thanks, but I must confess that this is one of many facets that were inspired in my youth by actual people I just happened to encounter.
49erFaithful Aug 14 2013 @ 15:45
Well it's a nice poem and I shall endeavor to circulate it more broadly.
SlimWhitman Aug 17 2013 @ 19:04
Yes, it's inspired. Imagining the whole scene just had me crying tears of laughter. 49er really, 'jerkin' the ghurkin'? LOL.
49erFaithful Aug 20 2013 @ 14:25
What? Haven't you ever harvested pickling cucumbers in church before?
Zetawilk Aug 20 2013 @ 14:30
Is that why they have that huge BDSM statue in there?