He posed as a depressed woman in her 20s.

  • He posed as a depressed woman in her 20s.
  • "I've been feeling lower than a worm's tit," he squeaked in falsetto to his BBF, Jade. Jade didn't notice that he wasn't a woman because she wasn't looking at or listened to him
  • whine. Jade was distracted by the tiny voice in her head telling her to put it back. Her BBF kept talking not noticing that she was getting up from the table. Jade pulled on her
  • chain mail and set off for the Crusades. Arriving in Jerusalem after slaughtering untold hundreds of infidels, Jade realized that she had forgotten to replace the relic. She was
  • going to be in huge trouble if she didn't replace this relic, for it was sacred. She was in Jerusalem now; what was she to do? She was now in a state of panic, so she
  • booked a flight that flew east towards states of terror. Why some people choose to travel in this direction is beyond me, but at least she packed some Ativan before leaving Israel.
  • Her itiniery included stops in Lebanon, Homs, Aleppo, Baghdad, Kabul, Islamabad, Xian, Pjongyang. "Go eastward young woman!" was her motto.
  • Conveniently, it was also the motto of the intelligence agency that had sent her. While her list included many more stops than the ones mentioned, they were all terrorist hotspots.
  • This was the life for her. She would embrace it wholeheartedly. She would head to every spot and in the end rule the world or at least help to.
  • Michael Stipe sang "Its The End of The World (And I Feel Fine)" while she put on her crown and sat on the throne for the very first time. It had 1,000,000 views on Youtube in one


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