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First thing I would do if all of America's

  • First thing I would do if all of America's financial system broke down or defaulted I would...
  • be to buy the biggest house i could find. buy the fastest car to be had. and buy natures greatest gift, sweat tender lovin. to get the cash i have to
  • let burn a hole in my pocket. All I do is spend money. Why I bought 300 dollars worth of scratch Lotto tickets and won nothing. I once bought a ceramic Dalmation and
  • my wife complained it was a waste of our dwindling funds. I was convinced it would develop collector value. When our Mutt Charlie knocked it over,it broke a revealed a hidden stash
  • of Pogs. Checking eBay proved the collection was worth at least $1M. Now we could afford little Jimmy's operation and pay our mortgage, but first we decided to spend some money
  • on crack. I'm sure we had the time and money now to take a little crack vacation for a while, little Jimmy didn't need the operation real bad for a couple months at least.
  • So after we got high on crack, I had to raise money for Lil Jim's operation by playing piano. A heckler shouted, "You play about as well as Team Fortress 2!" The audience "ooh"ed.
  • Well now, a zinger like that couldn't got unanswered. I puffed myself up and replied, "
  • Serpentor will not stand for this!" Rubbing my magic serpent bracelet and shouting "Ssskssplzt", I transformed into the shadowy figure of justice known to many on 42nd street and
  • dispair.I liked becoming 'shadowy figure',it made me feel important.So I'm floating along the street looking for random acts of hooliganism, until it got cloudy.Then I was screwed.

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