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One slow motion step forward...now I'm closing

  • One slow motion step forward...now I'm closing my eyes. This is it
  • The cameras were pointed towards the stage as the two families stood behind the stands, name tags apparent, and surnames projected onto the screens behind each. Then, the clapping
  • got louder. The two families didn't dare look at each other. It was the bitter jealousy in the air that fuelled Steve Harvey's lust for competition.
  • "And the next category is..." Steve Harvey paused for effect as everyone eyed the screen anxiously. "Things you wouldn't buy for your Grandma's birthday!" The next players stepped
  • up their game. "Hmm, things not to buy for Granny's birthday. I'll say dungeon apparel, because she likes to pick out her own." After a ding and high-fives, it was Granny Wiggins'
  • s turn to give the tongue lashing. Granny Wiggins scooted up to the microphone with her walker which had a basket to hold her 5 lb oxygen tank that she needed to breathe. "Your dea
  • attention please." Granny said into the mic. "Will the owner of a super girly Ford Fiesta please move it out of the way. And to the guy who was rude to me, your chlamydia results a
  • -rrived and the doctor recommends a full genitalectomy." I had never heard Granny speak like this, let alone over a loudspeaker. Stifling a laugh she added, "Oh, and your old man
  • wears Army boots!” That was a stupid insult since my dad WAS in the Army and CERTAINLY wore Army boots. I had to think of an original, sensible insult, so I said, “Yeah? Well, YOUR
  • dad wears a bra!" I must've hit a nerve, cuz he burst out crying. I quickly reassured him:"Cross dressing is commonplace nowadays," guiltily sensing the fabric of my wife's panties

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