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I didn't win the Powerball jackpot, but it

  • I didn't win the Powerball jackpot, but it could be worse. My identical twin got hit by lightning while making a hole in one.
  • Ya see, he's a bartender. The "Hole in One" is his concoction: absinthe, Grande Marnier, and cyanide. My poor identical brother was serving at a golf tourney when the lightning
  • Struck the golf cart, causing it to explode and sending 1,847,298 radioactive metal shards across town, hitting pedestrians and cars.
  • Then all the radioactive metal attracted all the mercury and neon nearby, and it formed a giant disk of metal.
  • Somehow granted the ability to speak, it sparked and fizzed while creating an opening slit in the center of its disk. "Vaughnnnnn. I see youuu. Come out!"
  • "NOOOO!" cried Vaughn, "I can't come out. My mother expects me to produce grandchildren. It would KILL her!" "I'll tell her then," hissed the horrible disk, and it flew wildly
  • away. Vaughn sobbed; he knew he shouldn't have bought that floppy disk of gay porn off of Facebook marketplace. He hadn't seen a floppy disk in years, of course it would be cursed
  • by the BSOD.bmp demon. A bitmap image of the Blue Screen of Death that used up all the memory on that 5 inch floppy and the script that overwrote the operating system with itself.
  • It's completely hosed now, I thought. I took the motherboard out of my fried computer and used it as a hockey puck to get my 13 y.o. hacker son interested in sports. It had limited
  • use as a puck, being not remotely puck-like. Turns out you can buy a hockey puck for like three bucks at Big-5. But by the time I realized, my boy had grown into an adult nerd.
Started
2016-01-18 01:10:20
Finished
2019-08-01 14:26:53

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