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You and me are in a lot of trouble, and somebody's

  • You and me are in a lot of trouble, and somebody's gonna burst our bubble. Your husband, my wife. My marriage, your life. So we went to Maine out on the east coast that very night
  • but we wrecked our automobile around Rhode Island and had to stop at the Beans Inn. It was run by a man named Beans and that was also what the motel was made out of. I thought it
  • rather quaint. Mr. Beans had glued beans together to build the motel rooms and their furniture, strung beans on threads for curtains, and made rugs and linens from beanstalk fibers
  • , which were rough, but just right for Businessman Jack Mugelemann, who had a giant headache. He fell asleep as soon as his head hit the beanbag. He dreamt a giant beanstalk grew
  • to the height of the moon, grabbed the moon with it's big green stalky vines, and then pulled it down to earth. It was a terrible dream. The beanstalk had taken control of gravity!
  • Then the beanstalk tried to take control of me through some vegetative think ray that it shot at me from dangly things at the end of specialized vines. I was almost rendered into a
  • string-puppet, my arms, and legs flapping about; I reddened with humiliation, people started giggling. “Unhand me!” I shouted to the beanstalk; the vegetative think ray let me go.
  • The people applauded as I slunk away. "Best puppet show ever!" I heard one say. "I am not a marionette," I screamed, "I am a human being!" The beanstalk shook with laughter. "Bean!
  • Stop laughing & HELP ME for GAWD's sake!" But I could see Bean was just stringing me along. Suddenly my head jerked back. My arms & legs felt stiff. "Now dance for me my puppet!"
  • Great. I’m an unwilling Pinocchio subject to Bean’s whims and no Blue Fairy to save me. Oh well. Maybe I’ll make the best of it and have Bean schedule a play date with Howdy Doody.

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