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Wouldn't you know it, the Global Vampire

  • Wouldn't you know it, the Global Vampire Pandemic coincided EXACTLY with an anomalous 500% increase in the output of UV radiation by the sun, so that the average moon-lit night was
  • extremely dangerous without coating your entire body with 1000 factor sunscreen. The vampires struggled with the radiation but eventually built tunnels
  • which ultimately collapsed on them and their fans annihilating them from popular writing for a very long time indeed. Insects survived and emerged years later to a world
  • where insane delitantes collapse on their fans and annihilate them from worlds of unsolicited sarcastic rejoinders. Delitantes wearing dresses made of cake. Cake-wearing was a new
  • diet. If you ate through your junk food dress, you would reveal the fatty fat nudity beneath, so you ate less. I emptied my entire pantry onto myself and went on a deli jaunt.
  • I am an emotional eater. When I'm in a deli, though, I am strangely comforted by the smell of pastrami. I ate my way through 5 delis in 2 hours because my fatty fat makes me feel
  • like Dumbo, in the movie. You must go to Cafe Deli. I can't because I poo too much & you must be a baby. By your hand, I would love to marry you. Oh, by the way, that's about the
  • strangest juxtaposition I've seen in a while. I like the idea of going to a deli in Delhi, after all that means they would be serving lots of naan, dal, basmati rice, and of course
  • the strangest juxtaposition I've seen in a while. I like the idea of going to a deli in Delhi, after all that means they would be serving lots of naan, dal, basmati rice
  • and such. I mean, it's been a hell of a day and I need a vacation." The travel agent stared at me blankly. He then gingerly pushed a button on his phone and said simply "Security?"

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