One day Daniel Tosh walked into a store and

One day Daniel Tosh walked into a store and over the intercome said haha its the gay man!
One of the employees who was gay shouted at Daniel Tosh to get down from the intercom or he would be thrown out.
Daniel responded by screaming into the intercom the one statement that would get everyone in the place going crazy:
"Who let the dogs out! WHO WHO WHO!" After that things started going downhill fast. First
those damn things ran rough shot over my newly planted lawn, then
suddenly they stopped. All of them turned their heads, I think it was their heads, to me and began to
Spin them around in a dizzying fashion. Zombies are so immature sometimes. One of them started juggingling his legs.
Before I knew it there was blood everywhere...femurs flying like lemurs chasing snakes and loose lips running wild.....
What the hell had happened? All I know is that my dog was loose somewhere and might end up with rabies again. I couldn't let that happen so I headed
out to the park where I knew he liked to chase squirrels. Sometimes they chased him. Today was Friday, so he was doing the chasing. I walked up to the edge of the park and saw
the largest squirrel that ever existed: Squirrelzilla. And he didn't see what I saw - that monster was headed right for him.
The horror of syphilis had robbed him of his mind and the open sores bled pus onto the yellowed ridges of the sickles that protruded from his maw. Squirrels with venereal diseases
are the absolute worst vermin to contend with, I had learned that from my time with Orkin. I was Top Exterminator for three months out of the year! That's nothing to sneeze at.
I got fired for inhaling "vapors." Basically I was framed by an Assistant Manager named Sal. He couldn't believe my numbers. Thought I was adding a zero, but in reality I zoomed
past Sal in sales by about 80%! "Judas Sal" we used to call him. Only no one wanted to kiss him on the cheek. Sal's wife, Linda, always had a forced smile -- like John Edwards.
But sales or no sales, Sal didn't covet kisses, or even Linda for that matter. No. What Sal craved most was a return to the beginning, before midgets & swallow-monkeys ruptured his
self-esteem. Damn, would he ever get that night out of his head? It wasn't just the gerbils anymore. They were all in on it. He could see so clearly now!The sensuous, the grotesque
the downright laughable probes were all he had now. Why the aliens had allowed him to return to Earth with them, he didn't know - but no reason looking a gift horse & all. He slid
down the ship's ramp and ran to the nearest Mc Donald's, because he knew from experience that Shamrock Shakes were only available for a limited time. Home never tasted so sweet.
That is until his mistress greeted him, wearing nothing but overalls and a Darth Vader helmet. He turned, waved his buddies goodbye and went off into the distance.

Started: 2010-10-03 20:39:35
Finished: 2011-01-10 22:28:49

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