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This story I am about to tell you is not

  • This story I am about to tell you is not funny, so don't laugh when you read it. No matter how bizarre or unrealistic the details may seem, I assure you it is absolutely true.
  • It was the summer I turned thirteen. My bat mitzvah was rapidly approaching, and my mother was still threatening to hire a klezmer band for the entertainment. I wanted Radiohead,
  • but my mother claimed they were antisemitist. I told my mother about the upcoming Jewish Mother Guilt Competition and she was keen to enter. It had been a tough training regime
  • because I wore shmaltz ankle weights and tossed around a Matzo medicine ball. I wanted to take it all, I wanted to be number one in the World's Strongest Jewish Person contest
  • , current incumbent - Roseanne Barr. I got up to 17 push ups per day & my mum was really impressed by my biceps. The day of The World's Strongest Jewish Person Contest dawned with
  • The inception of reality tv. The Reality Channel was on every mainstream network. One programme was about bizarre phone calls. One Texan called about a cow crossing Highway 39.
  • "Vending Machine Perspective" was another popular show. People of those days had tired of drama and wanted reality programming instead. They would watch The Reality Channel as th
  • e channel each day would capture the realities of day to day living. Dirty laundry was aired on the hourly Soap Operas.."The Dryer Turns" was a big success and
  • so was Refrigerator: When the Light Goes Out, a police procedural set inside a Maximum Capacity Dick Wolf brand Refrigerator in Mobile Alabama. However, As The Paint Dries flopped.
  • Circumspection on the differing outcomes led to the realization that we all fear the dark, the potentially decomposed, we all wonder about the motives of the mystery casserole.
Started
2012-11-24 23:02:16
Finished
2016-09-25 15:21:03

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