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In an effort to improve their brand image,

  • In an effort to improve their brand image, the Mormon Church took some suspect advice from a PR firm and began to dress their missionaries as Lord of the Rings characters. It was
  • -hed over them. The ridiculousness of it. Here the Mormons were, using the tropes of a fantasy story to get people to believe in their "Jesus in North America" fable. American Indi
  • songwriters picked up on this theme and before long music videos featuring Mormon Manifest Destiny began appearing everywhere. It was indeed ridiculous, so ridiculous
  • that a team of expert skydivers and sky writers would copy the manifests words into their displays. A small plane pulling a sign saying "If you can read this then you are too close
  • " got sucked into the starboard engine as our sky platform chewed through the sky. Captain Owens asked if we were writing manifests or manifestos, but he lamented, "People don't
  • bother with dental hygiene in this day and age. All they want to do is the social apps. Just wait until these twerps have a root canal or two." I decided not to offer the spearmint
  • But the peppermint instead. The dentist was a red wolf whose big paws were less clumsy with novacaine than the human Dr. Wolf replaced upon the human's retirement.
  • Dr. Wolf assured me that he knew quite a bit about teeth. I trust him, but there are scraps of something red between his fangs- has he been flossing? My braces are fine, but
  • the iron maiden won't close quite completely. He asked me to wiggle around a bit so I did. Almost instantly there was a click and the maiden was closed for the night. She had made
  • whoopie and was no longer technically a maiden. Now she was an iron lady. My iron lady. Actually, she did my ironing for me, but as she cooled, so did our relationship.

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