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Just as Alexander the Macedone wept salt

  • Just as Alexander the Macedone wept salt tears when he had no more worlds to conquer, so Lex McBride lifted his bloodied face to the Vegas crowd and swore to quit boxing forever.
  • Unlike Alexander, Lex was not destined to die in Babylon - instead, his meteoric rise as King of the Lounge Lizards began in its modern equivalent - Las Vegas. Starting as a call
  • girl dispatch operator for the Pakistani mob, Lex had played alto sax in a garage band with John Lurie back in '73. He would later murder Lurie and assume his identity, traveling
  • light with just a carry-on. With the stolen identity Lex got a second chance at a credit score and another free meal at Denny's on his birthday. But, Lex was an ass.
  • He was still intolerably arrogant, and continued to use his intelligence for evil. Lex developed elaborate schemes to avoid paying parking fees. He wrote bad checks in Clark Kents
  • Bar & Grill (Home of the Lois Burger), & constantly finagled his way out of jury duty each & every time he was summoned. Lex was a cad. A smart cad, but a cad nonetheless. Lex
  • was one of those people who did seem to know the meaning of the word "responsibility". Despite this, Lex somehow managed to land himself a job as a
  • A hologramist and took an apprenticeship under Dr. Ziti at the Pasta Institute. Dr. Ziti was a genius who lapped up the ravioli with his huge tongue. Gene Simmons was most jealous.
  • Gene could merely suck up one spaghetti at a time, whilst Dr.Ziti devoured pasta alphabet at breakneck speed. Dr.Ziti was the true Pastafarian. Dr.Ziti's apprentice was very lucky
  • to have obtained such a marvelous teacher in the Giant Flying Spaghetti Monster arts. Gene was about to finish his plate when Dr. Ziti choked on a large meatball and died.
Started
2013-02-23 16:21:53
Finished
2016-04-27 14:06:02

3 Comments

  1. Avatar

    SlimWhitman Apr 27 2016 @ 16:54

    Somehow It had to end that way. Nice how it keeps the cynic ironic tone throughout.
  2. Avatar

    Dhanithecat Apr 27 2016 @ 18:24

    Indeed. :)
  3. Avatar

    benjaminie Apr 27 2016 @ 18:35

    Loved this one to bits.

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