Sometimes I like to sing. My elephant likes
- Sometimes I like to sing. My elephant likes it. Show tunes, mostly. But occasionally I belt out some Sinatra for her as well. Until that awful day when everything changed.
- There I was singing an old standard with Dimples {my elephant} trumpeting along with me, when my voice broke. Well Dimples snorted at me, and when she did her ears flew up and
- down. I licked my vanilla ice cream cone -- no toppings. My wife liked plain vanilla also, but the bitch wouldn't respect my love of animals so I had 'er put down.
- It was a mundane life like mine that drove the average man crazy. Ice cream without toppings was nothing more than another knife stabbing my psyche- now all I needed was a twist.
- So I twisted my titties. Spurned by the sharp pain, I jumped up, only to have the top half of my brain chopped off by my Edward Scissorhands novelty ceiling fan. Unfazed, I
- fell to the ground and lose consciousness. I quickly got onto my feet and saw a violet-brick road leading to an empyrean sunset. The grass was blue and the sky green. I felt my
- bump on my tongue. It felt all huge and sore. Every time I rubbed my tongue on my teeth, my eyes watered, and hurt--so good. I kept at it. But when I looked at it, it was a tiny
- little face. My face, glasses and all. At first I thought I must have been dreaming, but then it spoke in a wet little voice, "Keep at it!" I pulled my tongue back into my mouth
- then proceeded to swallow it entirely. I began choking furiously, and could feel my eyes bulging out of my head, saliva bubbling from the corners of my mouth. I gagged but my
- gallbladder just wouldn't stay down. I was vaguely aware of the floor coming up to support me as rays of moonlight danced the Charleston across my field of vision. I hate clowns.
- Started
- 2011-04-22 20:28:40
- Finished
- 2011-09-16 16:41:30
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