"Are you SURE this is safe?" she asked. I
- "Are you SURE this is safe?" she asked. I replied coolly, "Babe, sometimes I'm right, sometimes I'm wrong. But this time I'm right." Thus begins the story of a time I was wrong.
- I remembered the last dying words of my brother, "Hey, watch this." and I knew I would be the next YouTube sensation. My girlfriend lit the fuse and I put on the goggles. "Cheers!"
- was a word that fake-sophisticated people smuggled from a European bakcpack trips to the US. Well, my bottle rockets were aimed at their faces, the fuse was lit and
- the alternative bombs were in place in case my first plan backfired. Speaking of backfiring, did I leave the back left burner of the gas stove on? No matter, Self, focus on the
- bomb in front of you. I gotta get this one set up properly and soon. Ok, the manual says the blue wire connected to the chicken. Chicken! Damn foreign bombs and translations. Now
- I began to question the wisdom of ordering a bomb from a Chinese internet address. I rummaged in the packing material and found a rubber chicken. After inserting the blue wire into
- a red hole a light came on. Then it went off again. "DAMN!" I flipped the Chinese chicken bomb over. A small stamp read: Guam. "DAMN!" Even the Chinese are outsourcing. The light
- came back on and the Chinese chicken bomb started to get so hot, I dropped it on the rug, which was also made in Guam. It landed on its drumsticks and began vibrating sideways
- orange glaze melting off it in a citrus plasma creating a swirling vortex of black holes where it burned through the very soul of the carpet. Good thing it's a rental. I sheathed
- my cardboard tube for extra-long paper towels and crossed my arms. Close enough, I thought to myself, gazing over the ruined carpet. I hoped they'd believe it was orange juice.
- Started
- 2011-06-24 14:33:01
- Finished
- 2012-04-13 18:20:04
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