I sold it to her for ten dollops just to
- I sold it to her for ten dollops just to get her out of my house. The stench she left behind settled into the living room and shows no signs of leaving anytime soon. I called Dr. F
- umes, Inc., "The Stench Removal Pros". Dr. Fumes' team arrived, & solemnly sniffed my sofa. "To rid this odor, we need to fight fire with fire!" To my dismay, they sat down & began
- a spot blowtorch treatment. Trouble was, the night before I'd spilled 90 proof whiskey on that exact cushion when I, too, had been startled by the stink. My sofa went up in flames!
- "Good, I hated that couch." But I lied, I loved that couch more than my mom, it broke my heart to see it burn. I pretended like I was a cool dude remembering his time in 'Nam.
- "I love the smell of burning upholstery in the morning," I murmured as I casually lit a cigarette in the flames, "it smells like Scotchguard." I sauntered off to buy a new couch.
- On my way to the antiques store, a horde of fire engines roared past me on the freeway. 'Ha,' I thought to myself, 'I bet some dumbass set their own house alight.' Wait a minute.
- That's when I realized I'd left my oven on. I made a U-turn and drove back home. The firetrucks had beaten me there of course, my house burned to shreds. The only thing left intact
- was the oven. "My god," I thought to myself. It was strange how the object that started the fire was the only one still left alive. I went to a fireman and asked him what I was to
- do to kill the oven. “Just drop 100 gallons of ice water on it at once. The hot oven will crack and die.” That was bad advice from the fireman. How would I get that much ice water?
- I decided to kill the hot oven with food poisoning instead, SO I GOT MY MOTHER-IN-LAW TO COOK ON IT! [Badum-tss, canned laughter, circle out to commercials on TV Land.]
- Started
- 2019-02-28 15:12:42
- Finished
- 2020-11-25 19:46:56
1 Comments
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Woab Dec 02 2020 @ 14:45
This FS rocks!!!!!!