The people at the Even Larger Collider felt

  • The people at the Even Larger Collider felt sorry for the most pitiful black hole, and so they tried to make a smaller one. For what is life but desire, consumption and comparison,
  • small minded gamesmanship to deal with the incredible tedium that is the main feature of this dull human life. But the tiny blackhole they created could speak, and it said, "
  • Life Sucks". It was having a heavy depression because it's event horizon had shrunk to a daily dose of self pity. The tiny black hole needed counseling so they called on Dr.
  • Schwarzchild, renowned black hole psychotherapist & author of the bestseller "Helping Black Holes Get Out of Their Black Holes." The tiny black hole explained his depression & aske
  • d for psychotropic medication on repeat prescription. "It's too late for words" the black hole whinged, blackly. "I don't think you fully appreciate the gravity of the matter", rep
  • lied the white dwarf. "Oh, very droll, you degenerate stellar remnant. If I wasn't so busy absorbing absolutely everything near me I'd have half a mind to come over there and
  • absorb you. Why don't you dip yourself In Martian granite slime and try to sell yourself on the corner? Seems there's a demand for that these days, or transform yourself into a
  • variety of wild objects that the gals and some guys will really go for? Look, I just fail to empathize with a Martian slime who can't think of how to make himself useful. Were you
  • some sort of a slime you put in diet soda to make it taste better, I'd have some modicum of respect for you. But you're not. You're plain Martian slime. Who do you think you are??"
  • The Martian didn't want or need to answer any questions. In a blink of an eye, it was gone in a blinding flash. Did what I thought happen really happen? I still wonder to this day.


  1. 49erFaithful Apr 30 2014 @ 18:25

    Excellent tale. Well feld, dear folders, well feld.

  2. 49erFaithful Apr 30 2014 @ 18:30

    The Very Large Hadron Collider, not to be confused with Large Hadron Collider or Super Large Hadron Collider, must have been named by the same folks that recently designated several locations as Important Bird Areas. Not very romantic, but hey, truth in advertising FTW!

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