What do you call a person who is charming

What do you call a person who is charming and cold?
I asked to the empty comedy club audience. I wasn't nervous, but I had to use the bathroom. At that moment..
I could have just screamed until my lungs turned a deathly grey and sputtered their last. But being the professional I am, I curtsied and bowed where required.
When it was my turn to toss the salad, I smiled & asked them how much dressing did they want with that & I dug right on in. I was a professional, Goddammit. A PROFESSIONAL! I stood
over the depressing bowl of greens, resisting the urge to flip the table as I poured on the dressing. They never told me to stop. They just watched. Anytime now, I thought.
As the pouring continued, I wondered when it would stop. The dressing was flooding the bowl, and I was getting impatient. They told me to stop only when the dressing almost
reached the rim. Oh what a relief. But what next? I'm not out of the woods yet. Just then I heard the pounding getting louder. Oh no. Not again!
My heart was beating faster and faster. I turned around, looking down. To my horror,
I found that I had not only forgotten to wear my pants, but had on my little sister's "Tuesday" panties. And it was Wednesday! A mirthful mob taunted me as I ran down the streets
crying, sobbing, scarred forever by their bullying. And that, doctor, is why I've got pantie-phobia 42 years later. The doctor sighed & handed me my Valium prescription...again.

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