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As I laid in the acupuncturists table waiting

  • As I laid in the acupuncturists table waiting for the elderly chinese man to stick needles in my tummy for my severe constipation problem, I thought about all the times that I had
  • squeezed into that tiny swim suit and covered myself with butter before joining everyone at the beach. Who was I kidding? I was not petite, I was not slender or trim but a flabby
  • pancake, struggling to be accepted by the other breakfast foods at the beach. Mostly, though, I wanted Flapjack to notice me, but Crepe Suzette was distracting him by rubbing syrup
  • and butter on his brauny buckwheat back. Flapjack was tanning on a griddle pad. And that rummy fluzzy Crepe Suzette fauning all over him. How could I, a mere buttermilk pancake get
  • under that Flapjack. He was just so flat, so round, so fluffy. Irresistible. Maybe if I let those Belgians over there have a taste of my blueberries, Flapjack would get jealous and
  • Go all griddle cake on his ass. Yeah, get all up his waffle. Those half-dollars don't come easy these days. This is a problem that will take more than just a little syrup to hold
  • and a Denny's Bilbo berry smoothie to sate. Mmm, gimme some o' that Shire sausage, my precious. Aww yes, this is so much better than IHOP's truffula chip pancakes. How unexpected!
  • Gollum suddenly focused on the toddler in the high chair at the table next to us and began drooling. When the kid dropped a spoon, Gollum jumped from his Denny's booster chair
  • directly into the rotating blades of the ceiling fan. His legs, stronger than he had realized, had propelled him to a grizzly, but rather amusing, demise. I finished my crepes and
  • stood, cracking my head loudly against the swinging overhead lamp. I still had to pay for my dinner at IHOP, however. I was getting the hang of this Vegan thing!

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