"POPULAR BURGER SHOP USES PAINTED BUNS" was

"POPULAR BURGER SHOP USES PAINTED BUNS" was written on the front page of the newspaper this morning.

The lead paint in the buns lead to mass anemia and behavioral issues, which were worsened by the lead-painted toys in the Pretty Patty meals. Worse yet, no refunds were given.

A customer had once attempted a lawsuit against Pretty Patty, but lost the case. "It is merely a new norm we can become accustomed to," said the liberal Supreme Court judge.

This liberal Supreme Court Judge died of old age. Then she was replaced by a conservative Supreme Court Judge. And so you see, this country nullifies progress by merely replacing

its humans with strands of hair. And remember, friends, not all hair is good - some is actually unhealthy. And this is important, showering is not always

in your best interest. A second skin of grime & detritus matter protects you from stinging insects. A hairless dirtbag may be your best friend. Stinky Boggs spoke up, "So you mean

our dirtiness can be a benefit as well?" The boys, who were never accepted in society because of their terrible appearance (and smell), began to think positively again.

They made friends with panhandlers on the street corners, who were their comrades. They greeted each other as "comrade", even. They had to help each other or they wouldn't survive.

It was a tricky business, surviving in post-communist Hungary. Luckily they were in America, so it was all good. That is until they were heard saying "comrade" to a comrade, and

before they knew it they were invited to borscht with mushroom ravioli dinners at the Russian Citizens' Club, having to listen to accordion music all night. It was all too much.