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I was sitting on the couch with Shania, watching

  • I was sitting on the couch with Shania, watching reruns of "Unwrapped" and playing footsies, when she looked into my eyes and said, "Wanna play the Wii?" That's when I knew
  • that it was over. I couldn't pretend I liked "Man! I Feel Like A Woman" any longer. It was time to man up. "Shania, I have something I've been meaning to tell you," I said.
  • "enduring this bullshit is like smashing the tip of my penis with a ball-peen hammer -- after I've nailed it to a piece of moldy particle-board."
  • With everyone in the room unable to run with their legs crossed in sympathy, I knew it was time to begin the operation. I whipped out my flare gun and shot it into the air, and
  • hit a seagull. It fell to the ground in a smoldering heap. Phillip grabbed the fire hose and began to put out the slowly growing fire. The following morning
  • the seagull in which we hit appeared at my window. It's eyes were gouged out, but it still squawkd out what sounded like, "I want you to usck min" I shot mayonaise at it's
  • vegan bologna sandwich to kill it. Smoke hissed from its Lulu Lemon tank top. The Undead Yoga Mom came at me with botox needles, I had to
  • move and move quickly. She sprang with inhuman speed, the needles glinting in her pale hands. Her face was completely expressionless. I reached into my pocket and pulled out my
  • a spool of thread. With cat-like reflexes she hemmed my pants and fixed 4 of my buttons. It was kinda scary having a she-demon tailor, but the suit fit perfectly.
  • If "skin-tight" is perfectly. Curse those cat-demons. But really, the instincts of a cat and the instincts of a demon? My back was left with more than scratches that night.
Started
2011-04-23 01:29:11
Finished
2011-09-29 03:22:26

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