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"Never mix serif and sans serif in a single

  • "Never mix serif and sans serif in a single document unless you know what you're doing." Slap! It stung. It hurt because it was true. Her name was Helvetica and she
  • was a swiss font fetishist. The slap hurt so good. He deliberately alternated between all caps Garamond body & Linus fractional sized reverse font. Provoking Helvetica & Corinthia
  • with strikethroughs, he lured them into his text dungeon and hung them next to Garamond. When Helvetica wouldn't sing, "G'day, Fontifex," he typed her onto a Comic Sans poster and
  • Baskervilled her. Concrete Roman and Handel Gothic pillars supported the great palace of Neutraface. There Arial sat contemplating his Ubuntu. It hurt a little. He decided that
  • he was just no good with computers so he chucked his tablet with an archangelic heave, sending the device hurtling out of the solar system, exceeding c. A rift in spacetime opened,
  • and the small child of an unsuspecting alien caught the spinning tablet in the vacuum of space. Due to his advanced level of intelligence, he became immediately addicted to it.
  • The unsuspecting aliens child played grave games in the courtyard. Then he heard it, it was her, screaming like a radio. Should he stay tuned? Yeah, he would, what else could he do
  • Besides smash the radio into 2,364,165 pieces and make his tinnitus worse? Radioheads were sprouting like jackflowers in the kitchen sink. They played some Sirius station, featurin
  • The Undertoe of Corrosion and the Knights of Seclusion featuring Mooustaphah Fa Fa Gah Jr. I screamed, "MY TINNITUS", and jumped through the window by the shower to fly straight in
  • -to heaven, guided by the ghost of David Bowie, who knows a thing or two about tinnitus and has taken over for Peter Pan, who is on vacation in Neverland. That sentence killed me.

7 Comments

  1. SlimWhitman Jan 11 2017 @ 16:20

    A fitting finish to a textfettish story.

  2. SlimWhitman Jan 12 2017 @ 15:09

    Title proposals for this story? Seven Serifs of Garramond: a Gothic Tale

  3. LordVacuity Jan 12 2017 @ 15:14

    Fonts: A Cautionary Tale

  4. LordVacuity Jan 12 2017 @ 16:15

    no, Fonts: A Cautionary Multidimensional Love Story

  5. LordVacuity Jan 12 2017 @ 17:27

    let me see if this link works better. https://postimg.org/image/bp3avomkz/

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