She looked down at me as I stared in awestruck

She looked down at me as I stared in awestruck at her presence. Three years later and I still couldn't accept her rejection

I cleared all my belongings off the table and placed them in my knapsack. This was the second time I had come on Shark Tank and both times Lori Greiner had summarily dismissed my

genius as "yet another homeless crackhead trying to win at capitalism". I couldn't even face the prying cameras in my shame. Walking from that TV studio, I vowed that I would

join The Little Sisters of the Library and be forever freed of the nonstop babble that television had become. The Mother Superior (or "Soup" as we called her) cut off my hair and

sold it to the highest bidder on eBay. I wish Mother Soup had asked me first. It was such a personal thing. Still it's not the strangest thing I'd ever seen for sale online.

One day I saw that a tissue thought to have been used by Britney Spears had sold for 2 grand - Really, I couldn't, no, wouldn't make that up. Meanwhile back to Mother Soup and the

The noodles. Their new album was huge success, thanks to all the vegetables added by the Master to feed his monks. The chanting was that of 1000 voices. Critics loved the harmony.

What vegetables had to do with music sales is another story, but the Brotherhood loved linguine and vegetables. They sang their praises nightly. In the morning

they reaped the First Fruits and gave burnt offerings to appease the small God's the Brotherhood had truck with. The Harmonies sold their transgressions for the pasta Blue Plate Sp

oon company for a moderate profit. They invested all the money back into the small God's religion, to see if they could get a larger following. Thats how Pastafarianism was born.