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How do I know that my flight is going to

  • How do I know that my flight is going to take off in time? The estimated time of arrival says two hours by my intuition says
  • not likely. I'd just been through the airport screening and was groped and fondled by the TSA guard, who looked bored as I was touched in places a member of my same sex had never
  • even seen. Little did the TSA guard know, my genitals weren't exactly... human.. unless you call tentacles human. But, this TSA guard
  • wouldn't have noticed if a dirty bomb was tucked there. He was too busy drooling over the blond "suspect" behind me they'd pulled out of queue for her suspiciously low neckline.
  • But I had to relax. My psychiatrist says I'm paranoid. My response to that crap is, "What if it's true?" Then he said, "that's it, you're incurable, get out!" So here I am in the
  • green room at the studios for Jerry Springer's current episode called "I'm nuttier than a can of peanut brittle" and I'm hoping that the wisdom of the host and his audience will
  • fill half a thimble. Sybil's cymbal symbol dimpled
  • with humble dribble was drawn on every nimble bubble, adorning the rubble the rabble blubbered about. In a sudden bout of gout, Sybil's bald ribald rival, Ronald,
  • clutched at his cherry juice, calling a truce between all things uric and acid. "Hide these," he gasped, thrusting a small baggie of mushrooms, anchovies, and asparagus into my
  • face. This is the thanks I get for being your intern Chef Ramsey. How could you I have done my best. But I guess it wasn't good enough

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