It was the year 1810. He lived at the top

  • It was the year 1810. He lived at the top of a hill in a dilapidated house. No one went near the house because they thought a mad man lived there. Actually he was a scientist and
  • he carried out World changing experiments in his little, dilapidated house. He had just discovered the formula for changing cotton candy into
  • economical home insulation. The spun sugar was warm and cozy and smelled of raspberries. Unfortunately, a racoon family was residing in a near-by tree. His roof was
  • quickly digested and transformed them into a clan of warrior racoons who believed his home the giver of life. For generations they would protect his home, but for now he was cold.
  • Cold as the bathroom floor in a Glascow morning. Cold as an icicle in an Ice Witch's hand. Cold as a frozen juicy juice. Cold as
  • jacking off on a Norwegian lumberjacking trip with Jack Frost while wearing jack squat (as in, no jacket). In order to generate body heat, I was forced to shamefully
  • jury rig a jumping jack contraption but after juxtaposing my geriatric frame into the jumper I realized that I'd jostled loose a gelatinous Jujube that had just barely been holding
  • a sticky wedge in place. The entire row of theater seats collapsed, upsetting pock-faced teeners watching Twilight. My next sabotage as I crept through darkness would be to steal
  • kisses. I liked older women. I was surprised when I snuck up behind the two blue hairs sitting in Row G of the darkened theatre,that they had been waiting for me."Come here, dearie
  • give me your pension money!" I said, as I jabbed a gun into the ribs of one of the ladies. They now knew I was serious. They had spent it all on bingo. I had no choice but to shoot


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