60

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that

  • It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune cookie must be in want of a
  • powerful antacid, ultra-strength breath mint, and well cushioned recliner. And so it was, that after King Hwa's moderately well-known Emperor's Buffet, I found myself in the local
  • pound. My minty-fresh breath might have been the only thing that saved me that day. A family
  • trait that made us smell like bark paper made us tasty targets for Mayan bookworms. Luckily, the halitoxerol in my breath mints scrambled their brains so they turned toward James P
  • and licked him to death. I grabbed my bag and ran towards the landing strip. With the power of my mints I was able to sneak up on the practically blind creatures and attack their
  • weakest point, the screw cap at the top of their head. I'd drop a few mentos in and tighten it down, then run for cover as their skulls ballooned outwards
  • Electroshock therapy was making a stunning comeback in 2016, I read. All we needed was more zombies on the streets of chicago. And everywhere else.
  • But when they let them be the government I finally had to notice. Zombies do not have our interests in mind. They don't have a mind. I would be accused of playing the US vs. THEM c
  • -oincidentally. The only thing our zombie government was really good at was cutting funeral costs. They ate the dead, so there was nothing to bury. The mortician's union was angry.
  • This led to the Great Undertakers' Strike. With nowhere to go, people refused to die, crumbling the zombie government's voter base. President Umf appeared on Seinfeld to no avail.
Started
2012-04-09 17:29:21
Finished
2017-04-09 14:54:15

4 Comments

  1. Avatar

    Woab Apr 11 2017 @ 15:48

    That ending made me cackle out loud, Ice!
  2. Avatar

    LordVacuity Apr 11 2017 @ 20:53

    That is good Woab because cackling silently leads to spleen damage.
  3. Avatar

    Woab Apr 12 2017 @ 13:23

    My spleen is remarkably healthy. It's the rest of me that's falling apart.
  4. Avatar

    IceSquad Apr 13 2017 @ 05:56

    Wouldn't know that from how you shoulder our folds, Woab.

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