60

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that

  • It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune cookie must be in want of a
  • powerful antacid, ultra-strength breath mint, and well cushioned recliner. And so it was, that after King Hwa's moderately well-known Emperor's Buffet, I found myself in the local
  • pound. My minty-fresh breath might have been the only thing that saved me that day. A family
  • trait that made us smell like bark paper made us tasty targets for Mayan bookworms. Luckily, the halitoxerol in my breath mints scrambled their brains so they turned toward James P
  • and licked him to death. I grabbed my bag and ran towards the landing strip. With the power of my mints I was able to sneak up on the practically blind creatures and attack their
  • weakest point, the screw cap at the top of their head. I'd drop a few mentos in and tighten it down, then run for cover as their skulls ballooned outwards
  • Electroshock therapy was making a stunning comeback in 2016, I read. All we needed was more zombies on the streets of chicago. And everywhere else.
  • But when they let them be the government I finally had to notice. Zombies do not have our interests in mind. They don't have a mind. I would be accused of playing the US vs. THEM c
  • -oincidentally. The only thing our zombie government was really good at was cutting funeral costs. They ate the dead, so there was nothing to bury. The mortician's union was angry.
  • This led to the Great Undertakers' Strike. With nowhere to go, people refused to die, crumbling the zombie government's voter base. President Umf appeared on Seinfeld to no avail.

4 Comments

  1. Woab Apr 11 2017 @ 15:48

    That ending made me cackle out loud, Ice!

  2. LordVacuity Apr 11 2017 @ 20:53

    That is good Woab because cackling silently leads to spleen damage.

  3. Woab Apr 12 2017 @ 13:23

    My spleen is remarkably healthy. It's the rest of me that's falling apart.

  4. IceSquad Apr 13 2017 @ 05:56

    Wouldn't know that from how you shoulder our folds, Woab.

Want to leave a comment?

Sign up!