67

We'd watched Stripes, Full Metal Jacket,

  • We'd watched Stripes, Full Metal Jacket, crushed a few too many beers & put in work on a handle of Jack. I said "Seriously; don't do it. Canada has free health care & nice breezes.
  • But joining the Canuck curling team can't be worth it. It's a brutal, vicious sport-- worse than croquet. It'll destroy your soul. Wilf just polished his granite stone ignoring us
  • as we groomed our Canadian (David Harris, a young musician from Alberta) for the dangerous slide ahead. Sweepers at the ready, Olaf gave David a fantastic launch toward the target
  • which was partially blocked by the American's Malpractice Lawyer. As the sweepers cleared his way, David Harris glided on his freshly shaved bum a good 30 meters before colliding
  • Now, when I say David Harris's bum was freshly shaved, I mean, fresh. I mean, minty, pristine, chinchilla soft. He had a special chair, with special underwear with a special foam
  • which a special -- person, icon, goodhead, Godhead, Schmuck from the Old Neighborhood, would slather all over his bits and pieces in preparation for The Fabled Razor of Umbrage.
  • Almost four years after the first umbrage took place, the last one blew the entire Old Neighborhood into smithereens. The coroner counted 4,846,015 bits and pieces, a new record.
  • But I digress. In its place arose a whole new town, known as West Umbrage. At first, people were reluctant to move to such a disagreeable place, but with the advent of social media
  • the name went through a rapid misnomification to W. Umbra, Warm Umbrella, Raw Umber, Pen Umbra, and finally Underwirebra, Pennsylvania. Now everyone wanted to live there, but it
  • put a lot of people off being named Underwirebra, that's just inappropriate for a town name. Think of the children! I mean, until they hit puberty or something, heck if I know.
Started
2014-02-21 13:01:00
Finished
2019-09-13 12:57:17

1 Comments

  1. Avatar

    Woab Sep 13 2019 @ 13:56

    Because what does it say about you, really, if you live in a town called Underwirebra? Good ending, pinkdumpster!

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