I nervously boarded the cargo elevator, my

  • I nervously boarded the cargo elevator, my enigmatic guide sliding the door shut and flipping the switch. We began to descend deep into the earth. I was nervous, but I needed to kn
  • ow why my toilet was on the fritz. So, just like Jules Verne, I had to embark toward the center of the earth. My guide and I both held out plungers at the ready, as the elevator sh
  • aft ceremony began, I reflected on how this elevator religion started and forgot about my toilet. I belong to the Unitarian Church of Die Hard. This faith
  • has seen me through many action filled trials and tribulations. As it written in the 1st Gospel of John McClane: "Verily, I will rain down upon your car of patrol one evildoer, so
  • heinous you will desire not to place thine hand atop this evildoer's cranium whence putteth-ing him in the car of patrol." The Gospel of John McClane continued, "Behold, my revenge
  • , served shakeneth, not stirred. Allowed thine movie references to become jumbled. I'll haveth what this wench has havethed. You hadeth me at good morrow. Showeth me the coinage!"
  • "Soylent Green art people!", ""Here's looking at thou, kid.", "Art thou talking to me?""E.T. make thou use of a futuristic instrument to contact home." The Renaissance Fair stopped
  • tolerating people who broke the immersive experience. Hands were chopped off and phones were smashed. Modern mouths were muffled with iron. The Renaissance Faire hoped to provide
  • An alternative to Lollapalooza, where the audience showed off their Russian jerseys and draped themselves in Mexican flags. They got so drunk that they were kicked out of the bars
  • & ended up on the streets.John played a set of emptied tequila bottles & Carl covered "Welcome to Tijuana".Their sombrero contained 32 pesos after an hour. ¡Caramba Lollapaloocita!


Want to leave a comment?

Sign up!