"Shatter the windows!! Shatter the goddamn

  • "Shatter the windows!! Shatter the goddamn windows!!" A swarm of wet palms smacked themselves against the door of my van as I
  • continued slowly driving through the piles of reanimated bodies from Westboro Baptist Church. I could see Shirley in the distance, only her upper body remaining. She screamed.
  • I screamed. The reset of the reanimated corpses started to gravitate towards each other, crawling like over each other like a nest of ants, creating a giant living Mega Corpse
  • . After the screaming was over, I calmed down a little and considered more objectively how this giant living Mega Corpse was indeed a nightmare made flesh. Perhaps it wasn't all ba
  • d. I could set up a little stand outside my house & sell maggots to fishermen. I could charge 50 cents to neighborhood kids who might like to get a look at the Mega Corpse. I could
  • I could film "Life of the Maggot." for a nature program & sell the rights. I could offer advanced courses for undertakers using the Mega Corpse. But while I made my plans the Mega
  • Tumor I had grown made a nose like a balloon expelling air through a small hole. It was not a pleasant noise. This situation was becoming untenable, on a whim, I reached for my
  • Megaphone and broadcasted a call for help. Doctor Cytzfuhjbio came running. He knew just what to do, as always. He blasted the tumor with a pin and it made a fart like noise.
  • [This story is hereby interrupted by the Definition Police: foolish people often make noise. ALLOWED.] Doctor Cytzfuhjbio wiped the pin on his shirt and stuck somewhere behind his
  • left ear. The Chinese medicine began its work and within two weeks he was not only pain-free, but grammatically correct. But he had to comb around the pin behind his ear.


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