38

Without thinking, I slapped the cashier.

  • Without thinking, I slapped the cashier. How dare he accuse me of
  • shop lifting! The nerve! Now a rent-a-cop removes & upends my raincoat whose many pockets rain all kinds of merch. "I didn't buy the coat...it's still yours! YOU'RE the thieves!" I
  • could hear the thief say to my personal police officer. The next day I was woken up by my officer, they handed me a note telling me that my police rental was going to expire soon.
  • Without my police rental, how was I expected to attend the 3rd Grade? I filed an appeal and I was awarded a police rental for the duration of both 3rd & 4th Grades with a 5th Grade
  • contract available at the Police Commission's discretion. I was all set! I packed my backpack full of textbooks, snacks and highlighter pens and strode up to my elementary school.
  • I had only forgotten one thing, my teleportation device in case of an emergency to prevent the reveal of my real alien identity. I was sent to spy on schools for one reason, to
  • identify lonely schoolteachers and to offer to bring them back to my planet, where they would live in luxury while broadening our genetic spectrum. Without my teleportation device,
  • let's face it, teachers would continue their mundane lives, keeping their pupils straight, grading papers ad finitum, pretending to care. On my planet now, they would copulate with
  • pupils’ parents, making Excitement. Science would be taught, making Experiment. Dogs & cats would run freely in my planet’s classrooms, making Excrement. These would be the 3 E’s.
  • The 3 F's would be: Fun, Flatulence & Fornication. 3 G's: Gobsmacking, Go-Getting, Gerrymandering. 3 H's: Halitosis, Heave-Hoing, Hell-in-a-Handbasketing. 3 I's: Incontinence, Impo
Started
2017-08-03 09:09:41
Finished
2019-05-17 20:17:34

3 Comments

  1. Avatar

    LordVacuity May 17 2019 @ 20:19

    incomplete.
  2. Avatar

    Gibber May 18 2019 @ 11:32

    importunity, imagination. Paradoxically, our language having only 3 consonants and 2 vowels, we could not spell or speak any of these.
  3. Avatar

    SlimWhitman May 19 2019 @ 03:48

    The intergalactic alphabet song is so mundane, we need a few Earth teachers to spice things up.

Want to leave a comment?

Sign up!