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I was driving to a place to pick up a thing

  • I was driving to a place to pick up a thing for someone when suddenly something happened which
  • Involved an ostrich wandering out into the middle of the street, blocking my path. I slammed on the breaks, but it was too late. I skidded right into the damn bird, likely killing
  • any chance at fooling around with my date that night. Ostrich parts were everywhere and when she stopped screaming and calmed down I realized that
  • she might as well start back up again. The ostrich parts were reanimating and attacking the moviethon's patrons and I asked, "This is just to ruin my date, isn't it!?" Typical!
  • But I was talking to myself. Which I do all the time. I have no dates. Ever. Just me, my raincoat and this cheese-smelling hand.
  • After dissecting my raincoat I documented my findings. My paper was published in New Scientist Magazine. Whilst on tour speaking about my paper I met a beautiful
  • set of boots. Slick and sleek, even though they're plaid. I'm sure my raincoat would've liked them. Too bad it's dead. Maybe I could introduce them to
  • my cat, Puss. "Hey Puss, I got you some boots.. Bad Puss! Get out of the marshmallow fluff." We thought 'Puss 'n' Fluff' was less catchy than 'Puss in Boots', so the bachelor boots
  • filled with marshmallow fluff were impaled on a stick and used to make s'more pussies. We replaced those with some fine leather boots for Puss in Boots and they were purrrfect.
  • Anything will be replaced so long as Master Meow Meow Boots meticulously masticates marshmallows more than booting around town. But nothing stays on task with catnip laying around.

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