A cold feeling of shock gripped me as I stared
- A cold feeling of shock gripped me as I stared at the splintered, shattered wood of my front door.
- Cold because I live in the Yukon and shock because I live in remote wilderness. My first thought was a Grizzly, but the claw marks on the cabin door were too big.
- I put on my snowshoes and brought my trusty carbine. I trudged through the permafrost. Outside of the cabin, the trees were bent like matchsticks. Steam was rising from the tracks
- It was extremely freezing out there and the wind was blowing so strongly that I could hardly stay on my feet. there was not fuel left at home either to cook or to keep myself warm
- so it looked for certain like I would freeze to death. It was then I remembered what I'd hidden in my spacious body cavities: fire, and plenty of it. The pure element of fire
- and that spicy enchilada I ate would warm me up good, I thought. But it just made me gassy. And much to the chagrin of high brow humorists, my farts mixed with the fire and ex-
- panded my trousers until I was a human hot air balloon. I was right up on the ceiling looking down to a sea of raised eyebrows and nochalant amusement when the window opened and I
- was attacked savagely by a bloodthirst Raven. I covered my eyes. My helium pants sucked me out the window. The Raven called to his buddies to attack me, and I nearly
- gave up and decided to let them eat me. Then, in a moment of pure brilliance, I unzipped my fly, and started coming down slowly as wind rushed from my pants. They swooped around me
- desperate for a glimpse of pale flesh, and darted in to peck at pink folds of skin and loose flaps of flab. "Be Gone!" I cried, fumbling for my wand. One flash & it was over.
- Started
- 2011-06-19 13:05:53
- Finished
- 2011-07-17 02:07:48
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