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I drink therefore I

  • I drink therefore I
  • am therefore I drink which
  • means I am drinking most of the time. But you would too if you made the mistake of buying a trailor in Death Valley. Nothing I could do but turn my property into a place where
  • I charged top dollar to roast meat and other comestibles just by slapping them onto the tin roof of my trailer. In no time I saved enough to move out of Death Valley to cooler
  • accomodation in Ontario. My problem was that my new apartment in Ontario didn't have any heating and a window in my bedroom was jammed open. Pigeons would
  • mock me, I just knew it. Some birds flaunt plumage, pigeons flaunt heaters, so says the Ebony Ornithologist magazine before me. I built a fire in my bedroom to ward off Ontario's
  • fertilizer winds, put on Zeke's Guide to Bird Calls of Southern Appalachia, turned off my phone, and twisted the top on 40 oz of some'n Olde, Golde, and Colde. I had a nice little
  • swig to wash down my squirrel-on-a-stick. "Ahh this is the life.." I lay back in my innertube paddling idly. After the incident with the Hoover dam.. These remote backwaters seemed
  • like a better extraction point. Having lost my beacon, I signaled my ship using the paddles I had coated with radioactive Vaseline. I then pronounced the words "Drak fepu", meanin
  • g "SAVE ME!"... Or so I thought. My Twonverinian was a bit rusty, and I'd actually said, "PRESERVE MY BODY!" The ship sprayed preservation gel on me, which made me into a statue.

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