The statue of Phatty McButterpants is proudly

  • The statue of Phatty McButterpants is proudly displayed on my parents fireplace mantel. It's an embarrassing story, but since I've gotten you this far, I'll tell you. Phatty was my
  • personal trainer, for years and years. Oh sure, she herself was not svelte in the least, but Phatty McButterpants could open a can of whoop-ass in the gym. One time Phatty made me
  • one of her special tacos where the shell was made out of Doritos. I told my friend who worked at Taco Bell and they wisked Phatty McButterpants and I away. We were orally pleasured
  • when we visited the Disco Dentist. I called him that since he always played disco music and wore flared pants that were tight enough in the crotch you could see his balls separate
  • in some sort of male camel toe. His enormous fro had to make dentistry difficult at the very least, and I lived in fear every time I got my teeth cleaned of finding a curly hair
  • lovingly inserted into the envelope containing his extortionate invoice. I wanted to find another dentist but no one understood my incisors like he did and caressed my molars with
  • steel wool. Not recommended. I fired that dentist so fast it'd make your head spin. I needed a lawyer. I put on my best suit and slapped a shit ton of after shave on. I stomped
  • the yard, which really got the jury on my side. When our stomp faded to a tap, my court-appointed lawyer spoke up. "Your Honor, that dentist is negli-... Yuck, is that aftershave?"
  • Affronted by my lawyer's criticism of his grooming habits, the judge declared that I was "guilty as hell, dude". Faced with jailtime, I had to confess. "Your Honor, I'm your father
  • "Your out of order" Bailiff get him out of my court room. And please take off that silly star wars costume. As I shuffled out of the court breathhing heavy through my mask I yelled


  1. SlimWhitman Jun 20 2015 @ 19:18

    "Search your proceedings, you know it to be true!" "Nooooo!!!!!! yelled the Judge and gaveled me out of the courtroom. I got an arm and a leg for my olfactory crimes.

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