Chevy Chase had just booked a bank commercial.

  • Chevy Chase had just booked a bank commercial. Sweet Jesus had it come to this? He used to be funny right? Right!?!?!? Then his toothpaste said, "You were never funny, just
  • a shadow of mediocrity beneath Bill Murray and John Belushi. Why'd you think they didn't ask you onto Ghostbusters? "John wasn't in--" Chevy spat. "Venkman was written for him, but
  • they went with Bill Murray instead. The film hit cult status and Bill's been playing the same deadpan sad sack character in every film since. It's genius!" I heartily disagreed.
  • At the back of my mind, I thought they were right - then again way back in the far reaches of my mind lies a dead hooker I once left in the trunk of a 1979 Buick Skylark on
  • Santa Monica. It had been a hoary night, He would call "girl," from his Escort, but none of the ladies seemed to be interested in an around the world trip. So he hustled up the
  • stragglers from the back room and enhanced the offer with a free glitter lipstick. Hands flew in the air like startled pigeons and the World trip was back on. The lucky girl was
  • stoic. Bethany was the only one in the class who did not wear makeup. She preferred to smear gravy on her chin and let her dog lick it clean. However, she was curious about
  • how babies were made. "Bethany", I said with a soft voice, "One day when your older and find a man that makes you truely happy, he will rape you, mutilate your body, and leave you
  • for dead. But then a magic unicorn will appear, gorge that bastard and the rest of your life will be cupcakes and roses. Now go to sleep." I tucked Bethany in bed.
  • As Bethany began to doze off, I walked into the foyer and examined my handiwork. Nobody was going to see those census workers alive again, that's for sure.


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