My father, uninterested in sticking around

My father, uninterested in sticking around for the next life saving maneuver, had stumbled back into his old truck and swerved off toward the liquor store.
And then he stopped. He looked at me with red eyes and said, "I can't do this anymore." And he took off his trucker hat. "Son, I'm a fraud. I ain't a redneck. I'm Luis Miguel
Mellencamp. I might sing these songs for the working man, but I'm really just a failed painter" The tears in his eyes said it all. He wanted to be a better man than he had been...
before his alien abduction. His time above had changed him and he was short fused when it came to earthly
dalliances. For the first time in his existence he knew what was truly important and he had the aliens to thank for it. He quit his job, and instead
helped the aliens inseminate earth females full-time. His job was to
pull down the alien three legged pants and carefully guide the third leg into slot B thus ensuring a proper fit and thrust angle for the insemination to be successful and
found to his utter dismay that the third leg was woefully inadequate and tiny. Slot B started giggling and skipped away from him, toward another
Tab A. Those fickle slots just didn't care whose Tab was inserted or whether the directions were followed. No wonder Christmas Eve was hell for fathers, most never knew a bad Tab
from a so-so Mr. Pibb.

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