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Mozart faked his death so that he could do

  • Mozart faked his death so that he could do something else.
  • He's now stacking shelves at a Vienna branch of Hofer & only notable because of his large white wig. He'll hum Eine Kleine Nacht Musik sometimes when he forgets
  • he used to be the number one composer in the world. He couldn't believe how quick it went. How did a robot manage to take his place and make Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart obsolete?
  • The robot began by rendering the topologies contained in an expired store brand yogurt cup into a piece of music the complete opposite of Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star both in tone
  • and pitch. To those blissfully unaware, it sounded like a robot's rather-basic attempt at music, but somebody with a careful eye would be sure to notice the odd side effects of it.
  • The people who listened to it would start looking happy. Only a little at first, but growing until their faces resembled the Joker's. It was disturbing, to say the least.
  • This world was not meant for such extreme excess ecstasy. Something had to be done. Laws needed to be enacted. Gloom needed to be spread. But how? People were listening to the
  • soft love honks of a lusty goose, the sweet buzzes of a flatulent bobcat, the soothing sounds of Cards Against Humanity players laughing their butts off. How would the aliens enact
  • these truly earthly sounds? In reality the aliens understood very little of what they saw and heard on Earth - a deep embarrassment given all the 'superior beings' press coverage.
  • “Our audio appendages! They burn!” They rushed back to their mothership and flew away. Thus, K-Pop fandom, once again, saved the earth.

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