"If you're going to just stand there, I say

"If you're going to just stand there, I say you ought move to the side and let others through." The stewardess-

was a giraffe... with boobs. I'm not sure if I'd become a furry or what I was seeing was real, but I complied. I shifted my way into the seats, and the giraffe-stewardess strutted

Into neutral and offered a choice of meals. "Would you like coq au vin, ratatouille or Slovakian Shepherd's Stew?" Only one was vegetarian. She was too tall for the low ceilings.

"Ratatouille?!" "Bless you!" "I mean that's what I'll have." "Right." "Uh wait - do you have any outdoor tables? My friend here keeps hitting her head on the ceiling."

The waiter lifted his eyebrow. "Will you be requiring a rope?, the waiter asked. "What kind of rope?" I asked. "Twine" he replied. I slapped him across his face. "She is not ham!"

The waiter quaked in fear. "Okay, will duct tape be preferable?" he suggested timidly. "That will do," I permitted, as I continued holding Brittany Spears hostage. I sniffed her

onion soup & pushed it off the table."Oops, I did it again. Bring it baby one more time & put more garlic in it." I said.The waiter bowed."I'd rather have handcuffs." said Brittany

, & was promptly carted off by a gendarme who needed 1 more arrest to qualify for his bonus. Brittany adapted to life in a provincial French jail. Epoisses no longer made her faint

and she now smoked Galloises and blew the smoke out her nose. Jail had caused Brittany to become tres French. She now preferred Jerry Lewis over Jerry Seinfeld. She wore lots of

black berets & favored white shirts with prominent black stripes or vice versa and snapper her fingers if she liked a thing. Because of her, Facebook, added Snap to go beside Like.