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Gastro-Intestinal Joe didn't have kung-fu

  • Gastro-Intestinal Joe didn't have kung-fu grip. He didn't even have arms and legs. G.I. Joe was just a head and a gastro-intestinal tract.
  • Because G.I. Joe was just a head and a gastro-intestinal tract he was more cobra than COBRA.
  • Of course, it is impossible for a human to survive with so few organs. G.I. Joe passed away on the 11th of July from complete body disintegration.
  • That's what happens when you expose a human to extreme doses of radiation. With the genetic material destroyed, your flesh just melts into gooey pink fluid - much like the chicken
  • goop served as protein for school lunches. The three headed dogs don't truly exist, at least not for a millennia. Instead, a wasteland of ash and cockroaches remains. And me.
  • But I wasn't about to try to become Earth's new "Eve" or whatever, no way I'm gonna bring a child into this hellscape. Instead I rescued a two-headed dog and named him Cain & Abel.
  • "Come, Cain & Abel," I call, and he comes, wagging his tail so hard his back feet leave the floor, "Who's a good two-headed dog? You are!" This beats having kids any day, even thou
  • gh he requires a daily human sacrifice. First, you must cut them open and stuff them with dog food. Then, you must slowly pour the blood and urine of a thousand cats over it. Final
  • Ly you would smother many cacti in cow Frisbees and plug any available orifice. Then turn the sacrifice into a human torch. The offering is chosen by a lottery. Any questions?
  • A tiny voice from the back row piped up with, "Can we volunteer others to be the sacrificed instead of a lottery? If so, can I volunteer my Uncle Eric. He likes taking the blame."
Started
2014-08-15 16:45:25
Finished
2019-07-17 15:19:05

4 Comments

  1. Avatar

    Woab Jul 18 2019 @ 16:17

    Gibber, Gastrointestinal Joe is marvelous. Did he come from another fold?
  2. Avatar

    Gibber Jul 19 2019 @ 00:28

    No, I used to live in a house with 6 roomates. I put some pads of paper in the breakfast nook for people to draw on. One day I had the "GI Joe" idea.
  3. Avatar

    Woab Jul 19 2019 @ 14:53

    I love him. Maybe he needs more stories.
  4. Avatar

    Gibber Jul 19 2019 @ 19:34

    Okie doke.

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